Airtight Bags & Side Parts

Every couple of months, I take down the airtight bags from the top shelf of my closet and try on one of my old outfits. My body changed after becoming a mother, but I clung to the idea of squeezing back into my pre-mom clothes.

One day I reached for a pair of cropped pants and the button wouldn't close. I looped a hair tie through the buttonhole instead. It worked. It was good enough.

Eventually I gave up on the idea of waiting to fit into my old clothes. I decided to buy things that fit me now. So I did what everyone does — I went to social media to figure out my new style.

I spent hours combing through "Get Ready With Me" and "Hot Girl Outfit" videos. I learned the rules for not looking like a millennial. Ankle socks were out; crew socks were in. Side parts were out; middle parts were in. I was definitely offended by the new Gen Z rules. I bookmarked them anyway and kept going. Then I bought all the pieces.

A few weeks later, while at the park pushing my daughter on the swings, I looked around the playground observing all the moms there. One by one, I noticed a pattern. Every mom was wearing the same outfit. Oversized T-shirt. Biker shorts. Crew socks. Dad sneakers. Gold hoops. A Lululemon belt bag. A middle part. I looked down. I was wearing it too. Had I drunk the Kool-Aid?

After getting home, I stood in front of the mirror for longer than I meant to. Then I reached up and parted my hair back to the side. Because I like my side part.

My old clothes are still in that closet, still sealed in their airtight bags. I haven't tried them on in months. I don’t know if they’ll ever fit again. But for the first time, I'm not waiting for them to fit. I just want to feel good in whatever does.